Welcome to the lighter side of running, where every mile is a story, and every story is, well, another story. Let’s break it down, one chuckle-worthy quote at a time, to share the runner’s wisdom—or lack thereof—garnered from the roads less traveled by sane people. My wife has likely heard a few of these said before. Let’s dive in to a sampling of the silly things runners say.
Runners are Silly
“I hate running.”
I’m sick and tired of doing this. I’ll do anything else but run today. I’d especially like to sit on the couch and watch the game or take a nap.
“Sh** I forgot to start/stop my watch.”
If you can’t upload a full activity or an accurate activity on Garmin or Strava, then did it really happen? How can we trust your activity uploads ever again?
“Does the gym have more than treadmills and ellipticals?”
I’m a runner; I don’t need to do arm or chest workouts. Now, why don’t you head over to the machines in that corner and let me run on this treadmill?
“Montauk 60 miles? I think I could run that!”
I mean, maybe you can, but I’m tired of talking to people who are sick in the head! Try running a half marathon first!
Injury and Prevention Jokes
“Did you put band-aids on your nipples”
Those who forget can be seen crossing finish lines with red streaks on their shirts. They are hard to miss and can be avoided for just a few cents.
“I lost another Toenail today”
This doesn’t happen to me, but my wife, regularly. I don’t understand it, but I’ve heard this said throughout my 30ish years of running. Take care of your feet you crazy people!
“Can I borrow come Vaseline, or nut butter?”
Yea, we all chafe (see what I use for prevention on my resources page) after a certain amount of time running. If you don’t want to walk like you are riding a horse all day, you better take the proper precautions.
“How were the porta potties?”
Was the line long? Was it moving fast? Are they nearby? Were there a lot? How clean were they? Was there hand sanitizer there too? Runners say silly things on line for the porta potties. That’s where I get my gossip!
That’s Not So Hard Quotes
Runners perform a bunch of mental gymnastics to make themselves feel like they can do anything, or to convince others they can do anything. Run a 50k? No problem, it’s barely more than a marathon, and I’ve done that a bunch of times. Here are a few funny sayings about hard things being easy (or not)
“I can do that, it’s only…”
“Running a marathon is easy once you do the math. It’s just like eating twenty-six donuts—one for every mile. Except there’s no donuts, and you’re not eating—you’re running. Easy, right? A 50k, that’s just 10 5ks which I can practically do in my sleep!”
“If I just go to the end of the block, I can stop right at 5 mi.”
Who stops at 4.88 mi? Running to the end of the block gets you a nice round number. The only time you stop any other time is due to injury or at a KM marker (5km = 3.1 mi, 10km = 6.2 mi).
“I can have a few extra servings. Tomorrow is a long run anyway.”
They say to carb load before a race. So, pass another serving, I’m starving!
“I’m not feeling so well, so I’ll just do a few miles.”
You’re feeling sick, but can’t not run today. Supposed to do 10 miles, just run 6 mi and take a nap later. Better something than nothing.
Weather-Related Quotes
Runners and weather don’t always mix. I hate running in the rain, snow, heat, direct sunlight, wind. Which is why you catch a lot of fair weather runners saying silly things.
“I can’t wait for winter.”
I want to slow down and get some more rest during the cold months and prepare again for the warm months.
“When will it finally get warm out?”
I’m tired of the cold weather and treadmill running. I want to get back out on the streets and parks to run.
“I’d love a light mist or drizzle right now.”
I’m boiling hot in the middle of a summer long run and I’m almost out of water. A nice light rain would help cool me down long enough to find more water or finish my run.
You’re Crazy Quotes
Runners say silly things and we need to stop giving non-runners reasons for calling us crazy. Relax, we get it, we really are crazy.
“Sorry [to the mailman], I left some water and a snack in the mailbox to grab during my run.”
You’re the crazy person leaving food in public places for your long run and just hoping someone doesn’t come along and take it or think differently of you. If you time it right, then no one has to know! No mail carriers were confused on my block yet this year!
“I can’t stay late tonight” or “I can’t have another drink” because I have a race in the morning.
There’s a race in the morning, so I really can’t stay much later. I definitely shouldn’t have another drink unless it’s water or Gatorade.
“I saw the craziest thing on my run…”
Running in nature, you see all sorts of wildlife. Once, I thought I saw a gorilla hugging a tree and about 1 mile later, I saw a monkey staring at me from a tree stump. Turns out, running for hours might just be the world’s most potent hallucinogen. In all seriousness, I’ve really seen eagles, foxes, turkeys, and more, which is cool.
Embracing the Run, One Quirky Quip at a Time
In the world of running, it’s not just about the pace, the distance, or the endurance. It’s about the sheer absurdities that come from runners’ mouths. Each one is a laughable moment. So, lace up, lean into the ludicrous, and remember, every run is a journey—sometimes, to the brink of your sanity and back.
What’s the funniest or most absurd thought you’ve had while running? Share your stories in the comments below or on social media using #DadRunnersRevelations. Let’s keep the laughter going!
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