Raising Future Role Models: My Family’s 7 Point Playbook

Diving into the whirlwind of fatherhood with three boys is like being a coach to a lively, sometimes unruly, but always lovable sports team. Each day is game day, filled with the highs of victories, the lows of losses, and the constant coaching to build not just the skills of the game but character too. But a good team is one who plays well on and off the field. They are role models for others.

Kelly and I are on a mission, a game plan that’s more about shaping our boys’ hearts and minds than just scoring points (although we are also trying to score as many points as we can along the way). We’re not just raising kids; we’re nurturing future role models. This journey is less about the scoreboard and more about the kind of people they become—empathetic, responsible, and leaders in their own right.

It’s challenging every day to not lose my temper. It’s especially hard when they are caught doing something they aren’t supposed to be doing: Flushing a roll of toilet paper or putting marbles in their mouth (this one was real recent). Kelly and I constantly feel like the referee. We are trying to ensure they play kindly, and also do the right thing, both on and off the field.

Kelly and I sometimes feed off each others frustrations, which we try to avoid. Other times, we find one of us frustrated and the other super calm asking the frustrated parent to calm down. This, in turn, makes the other parent angry instead of frustrated. It is a constant struggle to figure it all out as each game day is a new one and we never know just how it will play out.

Part of the our success (I give Kelly most of the credit) is to focus energy as positively as possible. This could mean learning chess (the newest endeavor), a visit to the library to take out books and play, or visiting parks for a few hours. Kelly has done so much in her time at home making sure they had ample opportunities to learn and play. Through all of this, we try to ensure that they are learning new things and expending their energy in the right places and the right way.

So, in this post, I’m sharing with you our game plan to success. Some of the ways we plan to ensure we integrate lessons into their daily life and some of our strategies that make our family team thrive.

7 ways to raise future role models

Dinner Time is Family Time: Our family dinners are like a daily huddle for our family team. Yeah, I hate the daily huddles at work, but this is fun because you actually like your co-workers!. Starting with our dinner table tradition: A game of sharing highlights of our day. After your turn, you nominate the next person to go. It gives us a chance to bond as a family. We learn to understand the fun they have each day, what they remember most, and ultimately, the moments they most care about. This game isn’t just about sharing but about teaching the boys the importance of considering others’ perspectives and fostering a warm, inclusive environment.

Fair Play and Taking Turns: With three energetic boys, teaching the importance of taking turns is sometimes the impossible task. Even when they get on board, they push to be first. Some ways we put focus on taking turns during our daily lives might be: choosing songs in the car one at a time, deciding on movie night picks through unanimous voting, or choosing which team you will be in your make-believe indoor hockey or soccer game. Ultimately, it’s about instilling the values of fairness and patience. This approach ensures each voice is heard and valued, laying the groundwork for democratic principles they’ll carry into the future.

Strength and Grace of Apology: In our household, making amends is key. Encouraging our children to apologize, accompanied by a meaningful hug, emphasizes that mistakes are lessons in disguise. It’s not just about saying “sorry”; it’s about showing you understand and care about the impact of your actions. We always remind them that actions have obvious and also unintended consequences. For example, just because you didn’t mean to swing the hockey stick and hit your brother’s pinky doesn’t mean you shouldn’t apologize for it the same as when I turn around to see you throwing your brother on the floor because you didn’t get your way. This lesson in accountability and compassion is what separates the true role models from the rest.

Celebrating Individuality: Each of our sons is incredibly unique, something you might think couldn’t be so true when they all are raised the same way, in the same house, with the same rules, by the same people. Yet, our boys, Billy, Ben, and Charlie, interests vary greatly. Billy thrives in his sports-themed bedroom, Ben finds joy in his art-filled desk corner, and Charlie constructs elaborate builds around the house with Legos, train tracks, and Hot Wheels. By supporting their individual passions, we’re teaching them the value of authenticity and the courage to pursue their own paths. Role models aren’t cookie-cutter; they’re as diverse as the interests that inspire them.

Leadership and Responsibility: Our eldest often takes the lead in our family. He’s a natural captain. However, we ensure he understands that leadership is not just about guiding the play; it’s about ensuring everyone on the team feels included and valued. This lesson in leadership is about nurturing a sense of responsibility. It’s not just for oneself but for the well-being and inclusion of others. We often reflect on sports leaders he respects. I’d often say things like: Do you think Aaron Judge would say that to his teammate who just struck out? Would Anders Lee react that way after the team lost? How would Messi treat his opponents after a strong win that night?

Empathy in Action: Standing up for the vulnerable around us is important. Whether defending a classmate or showing kindness to someone in need, is a fundamental trait we want our children to learn. It’s about being a team player. A player’s (person’s) strength is measured not by physical prowess but by the courage to do what’s right. Our basement tends to be a mess after a long day of the boys destroying it with fun. But when it comes time to clean up, I’d hear: “I didn’t play with those toys so I don’t have to clean them up,”. Then you’d catch me saying, “We are a team, and even though we didn’t directly play with them, teammates help each other in a time of need, and right now, the team needs to clean up this basement.” It seems silly, but it provides a lesson on empathy and teamwork.

Integrity and the Long Game: Teaching our sons that life’s outcomes are often outside of our control but we can always choose our actions and attitudes. Like in sports, it’s not always about winning but how you play the game. It’s okay to be sad after a loss, and happy after a win. However, it’s important to do what’s right in the moment, regardless. At a recent track practice, Ben won nearly every practice run against one of his friends. I made sure he told her good job after each run, which she said back to him in turn. You could see he was a little nervous but really excited and happy after the act was reciprocated. We emphasize integrity, resilience, and perseverance—qualities that define the true champions and role models of the world.

Concluding Thoughts

Our goal as parents is to coach our sons not just through the games of childhood but to prepare them for the wider world with the qualities of true role models. I’ve often said when coaching sports that practice is where you teach the players, the game is where you see what they learned. Every day, we teach our boys to be role models. Then, in the minutes, hours, and eventual days they are not with us, we can trust that they will remain role models and act on what we’ve taught them.

It’s all a journey filled with teachable moments, laughter, and the shared joy of watching them grow. We try to push them to be individuals who lead with empathy, courage, and integrity. As we guide them through life’s ups and downs, our hope is to instill values that not only make them stand out as individuals but also empower them to uplift those around them. In this family, every day is an opportunity to learn, to grow, and to inspire. It’s the essence of what it means to be a role model.

I’d love to hear from you too. How do you incorporate life lessons into daily routines? Do you have any fun or unique traditions that help teach these important values? Share your stories in the comments below—we’re always looking for new ideas to help our team grow stronger!