Childhood Anxiety is something many parents worry about, and rightfully so. It wasn’t a common topic of discussion for past generations, but today’s parents are more attuned to the emotional well-being of their children. While it’s normal for kids to exhibit occasional anxiety (think public speaking at school, sports tryouts, etc.), persistent signs of childhood anxiety may indicate a deeper issue. As a parent to three young boys now aged 4, 5, and 7, I’ve noticed behaviors that could point to anxiety that I’m keeping a close eye on: acting out during arguments, complaining of sickness to avoid school, and an obsession with “what-ifs.”
Signs of Childhood Anxiety
Recognizing anxiety in children is the first step towards helping them. Here are some signs to watch for:
Physical Complaints
Anxiety often manifests through physical symptoms. Frequent complaints can include:
Stomachaches and Headaches: These are common physical expressions of anxiety. My kids sometimes claim to feel sick to avoid school, which can be their way of coping with anxiety-inducing situations. If they are sick, obviously this could be real. You should also look for one off type things like public speeches they need to give, tryouts, etc. which could lead to these symptoms showing up in the days or hours before the event. However, if they aren’t sick, and they don’t have any ‘special’ occasions coming up, it is important to start thinking next steps.
Fatigue: Anxiety can lead to poor sleep quality, causing children to feel tired and lethargic. They could end up awake for hours, or have trouble falling back to sleep after a midnight bathroom run. This happens because they wake up and immediately think about the situations causing them anxiety.
Muscle Tension: Watch for signs like clenched fists, stiff shoulders, or a tense jaw. This can lead to some of the above as well.
Behavioral Changes
Children often express anxiety through changes in behavior. This might include:
Outbursts and Tantrums: While typical for young children, anxiety can amplify these reactions. My kids don’t lash out regularly, but when they are under sustained pressures in school, sports, or home, I’ll begin to see lashing out physically or verbally. Before I knew what I was looking for, I would chalk it up to needing a nap. While a nap is a good way to calm them, it was likely because of heightened anxiety giving them a short fuse and then exploding on the rest of the family.
Regression: Behaviors such as bed-wetting or thumb-sucking that they had outgrown may resurface. Again, this is with a grain of salt. As kids grow, they all go through regressions of different kinds. If bed wetting, did you just come home from a party with unlimited juice refills? Or is the school talent show coming up next week?
Clinginess: An anxious child may become unusually clingy, needing constant reassurance and refusing to be separated from parents or caregivers. My kids have since outgrown this, but there are times my kids grab my hand to be held at awkward times that make me think they are anxious about something. However, I’ve been fortunate to only see this sign in times when I myself would be anxious (right before a big game, right before a school performance, etc.).
Avoidance
Children with anxiety often avoid situations that make them uncomfortable. Look for:
Reluctance to Go to School: If your child is finding reasons to stay home or avoid social situations, it could be due to anxiety. You need to look closely at these situations because it is often not school, but a very particular situation at school. Maybe it is another child, a big speech, recess due to lack of friends, etc. Check for bullying, or even simpler, if they are too nervous to speak with a presentation coming up.
Fear of New Experiences: Anxious children might resist trying new activities or meeting new people. Don’t always look too closely at this though as my children are sometimes really anxious to try new things. Yet, sometimes its actually them being just scared about trying it vs anxiety. You can turn a scary moment into an anxiety inducing moment if you aren’t paying close enough attention.
Isolation: Preferring to stay alone rather than engaging in group activities or playing with friends.
Excessive Worry
Persistent worrying is another common sign of anxiety. This might include:
Obsession with “What-ifs”: My children often focus on hypothetical scenarios, worrying about things that could go wrong rather than enjoying the present moment. Even after my assurance, they sometimes give me a what-if scenario that is more than likely not to happen. “I can’t go to school. What if a plane crashes into the building?” Like what? That isn’t going to happen crazy kid!
Perfectionism: An anxious child may set unrealistically high standards for themselves and become distressed if they fail to meet them. My eldest sits in this bucket right now. He hates when he misses a catch, hits the post, or gets the wrong answer. He will make a mistake and immediately look at me angry. We are competitive, but he is hard on himself to a fault. We are working on this one and could use some tips if you have any!!
Fear of Making Mistakes: This can lead to procrastination or refusal to attempt new tasks. See above.
Effective Strategies to Manage Childhood Anxiety
Dealing with childhood anxiety involves patience and understanding. Here are some strategies that have worked for me:
- Calm Re-centering: When my children start showing signs of anxiety, I slow the conversation down. I ask questions like, “What is making you feel this way?” and “Why does it make you feel this way?” This helps them articulate their feelings and understand their triggers.
- Empathy and Relatability: Sharing personal stories about times when I felt anxious can make them feel less alone. When children know that their feelings are valid and shared by others, they are more likely to open up and listen. Be careful what you share, because they will reshare your stories! But it really helps to lighten the load for them knowing others have experienced the same thing they are.
- Active Listening: Allowing children to express their feelings without immediate judgment or dismissal is crucial. This builds their trust and encourages them to come to you with their problems. I make sure to give them time to finish talking and listen to everything. Don’t jump in mid-breath. The next sentence could be the most important one.
- Consistent Support: Regularly check in with your children about their feelings and assure them of your support. This consistent emotional availability helps them feel secure. I repeat to my boys that I am there for them. Even when they do something wrong, I will be there to help them get through it. Showing consistent support will give them a comfortable level of wanting to come and talk to you without the need to pry for information. Showing support can also be as simple as staying positive around them. They will feel the positivity and draft off yours!
Expert Childhood Anxiety Resources
While I haven’t consulted experts directly, numerous online resources offer valuable insights. Here are a few helpful references:
- Anxiety and Depression Association of America
- Child Mind Institute
- American Academy of Pediatrics
- The Anxiety-Free Child Blog offers practical advice and mindfulness activities for managing anxiety.
- Psych Central provides tips on supporting anxious children and promoting a positive environment (Also check Mental Health Center Kids).
- Coping Skills for Kids shares techniques like deep breathing and creative visualization to help children manage anxiety.
Conclusion
Parenting through the lens of mental health awareness is challenging but incredibly important. By recognizing the signs of anxiety early and employing supportive strategies, we can help our children navigate their emotions more effectively. Remember, being a supportive and empathetic listener can make a world of difference in your child’s life.
[…] Finally, before we really jump in, there is some science to a fathers active presence in a child’s life too. A study done out of Concordia University in the Canadian Journal of Behavioural Science showed proof that fathers actively raising children can lead to smarter and better behaved children. They say “Regardless of whether fathers lived with their children, their ability to set appropriate limits and structure their children’s behaviour positively influenced problem-solving and decreased emotional problems, such as sadness, social withdrawal and anxiety” […]
[…] your child becomes distressed or anxious when separated from you, it may indicate they need more time before starting kindergarten. […]