The journey to fatherhood, the first time around, is a whirlwind of emotions, from surreal joy to bone-chilling fear. Picture this: you’re sitting in the doctor’s office, gazing at the screen as the ultrasound reveals the tiny, fluttering heartbeat of your unborn child. You can see every valve of the tiny heart, the fingers and toes, and even a little nose. It’s a moment that’s both miraculous and terrifying. I mean, let’s be real, before thinking about children, if your pet goldfish died, you just flushed it down the toilet and moved on. But this? This is different. This is real life staring you square in the face.
My wife and I got everything ready to go. She nested, and I followed, ensuring every picture was hung, crib assembled, jungle decals placed on the walls, and more. Her? Well, she made sure I did the job right, but most importantly, she made sure our baby was growing and healthy. The hardest job! We took pictures every week, watching as the baby bump grew bigger and bigger.
Becoming a Dad – The First Born
Fast forward to the big day. It’s the summer Olympics of 2016, and while the world is tuned in to the best athletes in the world, we’re in a hospital room, glued to the track on TV. My wife, bless her soul, is in the battle of labor and contractions, and I’m doing my best to stay awake after 30+ hours of anticipation. And then the doctor comes in to check on progress and announces, “The baby is here, guys!” Barely managing to slip into her PPE (Personal Protective Equipment), and in a blink of an eye, our first son decides to make his grand entrance, shooting (literally) into the world.
We spent the next hours checking in on our miracle, Billy. Did he poop? Did he pee? What were the test results of that last test? How did that align with the results of the other test? It was all a whirlwind of newness while doctors and nurses buzzed around doing what they had to. We took our little boy home, and he was perfect in every way.
Here’s the kicker: I thought the whole becoming a dad thing would become routine after the first time around. Boy, was I wrong! Every pregnancy brought its own set of surprises and delights. From the nerve-wracking sonograms to the heart-stopping moment when you first hold your newborn in your arms, it’s a journey that never loses its magic.
Becoming a Dad – The Middle Baby
Our second baby, born two years after the first, was a chill little guy. Until he was ready to come out, that is. Kelly couldn’t sleep all night because of contractions, and they were a few minutes apart, so we went to the hospital. They said it could still be days before he comes, and my wife said, that can’t be! WRONGO! We went home, and my wife, the crazy lady she is, went out to our niece’s soccer game. Dinner time that day was unbearable. Kelly had been laboring through the day, and we hit a point of no return. “We have to go!” I was driving as fast as we could. We got to the hospital and basically ran to the delivery floor. They admitted her immediately, and it was time to push. I was stood outside at registration trying to do paperwork as they did preadmission checks with my wife, but a few minutes later they came back and said, “Dad, you can finish registration later, come on back.” This made me both scared and excited! Was the baby coming fast, or was there a problem?! I got the pre-admission room, and it was a disaster scene. Blood on the floor, our bag in the corner, and not a soul to be found. I just started running through the halls in the direction I knew she might be from our first born, and I barely got in there in time. Within just a couple of minutes, Baby 2, Ben, was here, and healthy!
Becoming a Dad – The Baby
Then came baby number three, and let me tell you, it was a rollercoaster ride like no other. We were hit with curveballs left and right, from ominous test results to the COVID concerns and eventual removal of ‘non-essential’ people from attending every doctor’s appointment. Suddenly, I found myself on the sidelines, unable to accompany my wife to her appointments, and let me tell you, it was torture. But we soldiered on, clinging to hope in the face of uncertainty.
We were offered every test in the universe. We decided to go for some tests which would help clear the air on some potential diagnosis and passed on others that brought more risk than reward. For example, we did do genetic testing as it wasn’t invasive, and they would be able to rule out genetic abnormalities. We skipped amnios since they told us it would provide little more information but also include the risk of losing the baby. Even after all of this, they still didn’t know the cause of all the weird test results, and they offered us the option to terminate. Termination wasn’t an option for us. Kelly and I talked about this long before and agreed that the only way termination is on the table is if my wife is in danger. Otherwise, we will ‘get what we got and don’t get upset’. My wife was fine, and some of the scary tests came back negative already, so we pressed on.
Finally, it was time for baby 3 to arrive, and it was a moment of pure elation followed by sheer terror. He may have been small, but he packed a punch, landing himself in the NICU with a medical condition that required immediate surgery.
Moments of Horror
He had what the doctors called short-gut syndrome. Basically, his large and small intestines were not connected at birth, and the small intestines were also shorter than normal. This meant that nutrition in his life could become a real struggle (hint, hint, hint). It was a harrowing month of hospital visits as we went for every minute of the day we were allowed, often trying to (open air quotes) lose track of time (close air quotes) to sneak in a few extra minutes. Kelly did the morning shift while I worked, and I did the night shift. There were countless sleepless nights in the first few months as we struggled with different tools he required to stay alive and healthy. We had a food pump through a g-tube that fed him little bits of liquid food directly into his belly so we could exactly measure his intake and not overstress his little digestive system. We searched for ways to get specialized formula the doctor said he required, through free cans from the doctor and even getting some through insurance. Things got good, and then bad, and then good again.
Yet, in the end, Charlie emerged triumphant, a fighter through and through. The parents, on the other hand, were so far past tired. We struggled through our day-to-day lives. Kelly was still trying to parent children, and I was still trying to get to work. Mentally, we suffered for months with all of the issues. We turned to whomever we could and even sought professional help! Don’t be afraid to ask for help!!!
Today, our third little guy is a thriving ball of energy, with a penchant for mischief. Sure, there are scars, both physical and emotional, but they’re a testament to the strength and resilience of our little family.
Conclusion
Our kids are now 7, 5, and 3 years old. They love sports, coloring, trains, and more. We are at ice rinks, baseball diamonds, soccer fields, library classes, school craft nights, and more. Yet, we are having fun (most of the time)! I pitched to my oldest when he sent his first baseball flying over the little league fence, I watched as my middle son scored his first basket and turned to me with a jump, smile, and thumbs up, and my youngest, always looking to get into it with his brothers, will be another big sports guy this coming year.
So here’s to fatherhood and those in the throws of becoming a dad, with all its twists and turns, its joys and challenges, its highs and lows. It’s messy, chaotic, and downright terrifying at times, but I wouldn’t trade it for the world. Because in the end, it’s the journey that makes it all worthwhile. And this is a journey of a lifetime!
