You’ve read the books, scoured the blogs, and watched countless videos. Now you’re thinking you’re ready for this wild ride called parenting. But the truth is, no book can fully prepare you for what’s ahead. It’s like looking at a picture of a spectacular view versus standing on the mountain yourself—completely different experiences.
Lately, I’ve been reflecting on this more than usual. Why? Friends and family have all been welcoming new babies, and as we’ve been Facetiming and visiting over the past few weeks, we’ve swapped stories. It struck me that no matter how much we read or plan, everyone ends up feeling a bit unprepared. In the end, we just figure it out as we go. So today, I’m sharing some of what the books don’t tell you.
From pregnancy to sleepless nights, and eventually, all the way to travel team tryouts, parenting is a whirlwind of fun, challenges, and countless unforgettable moments. Sure, books offer some guidelines, but nothing compares to the reality. Hopefully these parenting tips help.
#1—There’s No Manual for Your Unique Family
The books can give you the basics. Sort of like bumpers at a bowling alley. They help keep you in the lane, but they don’t teach you the specifics of how to strike a balance with your unique family. Every parent, child, and household is different. What worked for your friend might be a total flop for you—and that’s okay!
You’ll find yourself adapting constantly. My advice? Be open to suggestions, but remember: you’re in charge. You know your family best, and no book or suggestion can be a home run for every family.
As a data analyst, I was always looking for ways to quantify how I was doing. But there isn’t any way to do this. The fake training manual below even includes a whole performance evaluation section. In reality, you will know if you are doing well by the friends your child makes, the way they treat others, etc. It’s the best we can do. Just do your best!
#2—Parenting Is the Ultimate On-the-Job Training
No matter how much you prepare, you’ll never really feel ready. That’s just the way it is! From figuring out how to swaddle your newborn to managing toddler meltdowns in the grocery store, parenting throws you in headfirst. The secret? You learn as you go. And trust me, you will absolutely make mistakes.
The first baby is hard because you’re still learning the basics. But once you’ve mastered a few skills, they come more naturally with the second, third, and dare I say fourth (don’t worry, this isn’t a pregnancy announcement). It took me weeks to get swaddling right with my first, but eventually, I learned how to get the tightest swaddle in the land! Of course, Billy had other plans as he always found a way to wiggle one arm out. After countless re-swaddles, I realized he just liked having that arm free, and he was much happier that way.
Here’s the good news: making mistakes is how you learn. You might yell a little too quickly or re-swaddle your baby 15 times in a row trying to get it just right, but in the end, none of it matters as much as you think. Give yourself some grace—you’re doing great, Dad, even if it doesn’t feel like it sometimes.
#3—Parenting Isn’t a Sprint, It’s a Marathon
You know me, another running metaphor, but it works again, I promise. Being a parent is hard work. It’s a 24/7 gig with no sick days. Here’s the thing: it’s a long race. You don’t have to solve every issue overnight. You’re not raising responsible adults in a week—it’s a journey till your last days now.
So, pace yourself. Don’t run full-speed for a week and expect it to stick. Slow and steady wins this race. And when stress hits? Shake things up. Take the kids to a new park or plan a playdate. Better yet, catch up with a friend while the kids tire themselves out. It’s a win-win for everyone.
#4—No Parenting Strategy Fits All Kids
Here’s a lesson I learned the hard way: every kid is different. What works for one will almost certainly not work for the other. I used to think I could parent all my kids the same way—and let me tell you, I was wrong. Each child learns and listens differently, so don’t be afraid to adjust your approach.
Billy and Charlie (my first and third boys) are pretty similar in attitude, while Ben (my middle guy) is a whole different ballgame. Trying to teach Billy something and then teach Ben the same way? Total disaster. And the reverse is just as true. It’s a challenge, especially when you’re rolling three boys deep everywhere you go, but correcting behavior has to be tailored to what each child can handle.
So, experiment and see what sticks. Don’t be too hard on yourself when one strategy fizzles out. Parenting is about being flexible, and sometimes that means admitting when something isn’t working and trying something new.
#5—Sleep Training Is Not for the Faint of Heart
Sleep training sounds easy in theory, but in practice, it’s a whole different animal. The part no one tells you? Just when you think you’ve got it down, your baby decides to switch things up. One night they’re sleeping like an angel, the next it’s an all-night party.
We made some mistakes with Billy at first. For his entire first year, we sat with him until he fell asleep every night. It quickly became unsustainable both for us and for him. We eventually had to make the tough decision to wean him off that routine, and boy, was it hard. But we learned from that experience with Billy. Then with Ben and Charlie, things got smoother.
One thing we did right from the start: we didn’t let our kids sleep in our room (with two notable exceptions: 1. when Billy was dealing with sleep apnea before his tonsil removal, and I needed to keep an eye on him, and 2. the time our heat went out, and we all camped out with a space heater to stay warm on my room). Because of that, bedtime is now a pretty smooth process: we read a book, turn off the lights, switch on the nightlights, and then leave while they fall asleep on their own. Glorious! But that first time? Total learning curve.
The key is persistence and patience. And remember: every baby is different. If these sleep training techniques don’t work for your little one, don’t get discouraged. You’ll find your ways eventually.
#6—Sleep Training Yourself Might Be Just As Important
This might sound strange, but you need to train yourself to sleep, too. Before your little one arrives, take naps, go to bed early, and savor those long weekend sleep-ins—because soon, your schedule is going to revolve around that tiny human.
The early days are tough. Babies need to eat constantly, and that includes those middle-of-the-night feeds. What worked for us was dividing and conquering. Kelly, being the morning person, would handle the 8 p.m. feed. Then we’d wind down with some TV, and she’d head to bed around 10 or 11 p.m. I’d stay up and take care of the 11 p.m. or midnight feeding. That usually stretched us until about 5 a.m., which was when Kelly would wake up for the morning feed, often followed by her workout. This system allowed us both to catch some sleep while still tag-teaming the baby duties.
Funny enough, this routine even trained me! I used to be a night owl, fitting my runs in during the evening, but now I find myself waking up early to squeeze in a morning run. Parenting has a way of flipping your habits in unexpected ways.
And when things get overwhelming (because they will), don’t hesitate to ask for help. Your support system is crucial. If friends or family offer to watch the baby so you can catch a nap, take them up on it. You’ve got to take care of yourself to be able to take care of your baby.
#7—You Will Absolutely Lose Your Cool
Let’s be real: there are going to be moments when you completely lose it. You’ll want to yell, scream, maybe even throw something (hopefully not the baby’s pacifier). You love your little one, of course, but when your patience is hanging by a thread—whether it’s the endless crying, lack of sleep, or feeling like you’ve tried everything with no success—it’s tough to keep it together.
And let’s not forget about your partner. When you’re both sleep-deprived and running on fumes, even the smallest things—like whose turn it is to change the diaper, can ignite a mini argument. My advice? Take a deep breath, step back, and remind yourself that this is just one crazy chapter in your parenting journey. Soon enough, you’ll be dealing with an entirely new level of chaos, and you’ll be able to laugh at this one. Trust me, wild takes on a new meaning during each chapter of their lives.
#8—Babies Aren’t as Fragile as You Might Think
I remember being in the hospital, watching the nurses handle my newborn like they were folding laundry. I kept thinking, Be careful!, or Whoa, that’s too fast!—I mean, this was my tiny, delicate baby! But here’s the thing: those nurses knew exactly what they were doing, and as much as I wanted them to slow down and handle him with more care, I soon realized that babies aren’t nearly as fragile as we think.
Sure, they’re small and squishy, but their little bodies are much more resilient than we give them credit for. Babies can handle a lot more than our new-parent nerves let us believe. They’ll flail their arms, make faces, and yes, sometimes they’ll scream like you’ve wronged them—but they’re tougher than they look. For example, a little water in their eyes at bathtime is fine. You can lift their head and put the shirt on over them without worrying. You can flip them onto their belly to swaddle them properly, or get them changed.
That’s not to say you can throw all caution to the wind—obviously, you want to be mindful of their safety. Babies still have no or limited neck control, and don’t forget about the soft spot! But whether it’s a tumble during tummy time or the occasional head bump as they learn to sit up, babies are built to withstand some bumps and bruises along the way. They’re learning to live in this world just like we’re learning how to parent.
So remember, they’re more durable than you think. Just give them space to grow, fall, and get back up again. You’ll be amazed at how quickly they bounce back.
#9—You Will Change in Ways You Never Expected
Both moms and dads experience changes when they become parents. I can’t pinpoint all the science behind it (and honestly, there’s a lot of pseudo-science in this field), but there’s definitely a shift in perspective. Suddenly, things that once seemed important take a backseat. You might find that while you once cherished your career, you now love spending time with your family even more. Or maybe having kids turns you into more of a daredevil, sparking a desire to try skydiving or bungee jumping. On the flip side, it might trigger higher levels of anxiety.
Parenthood also brings a new kind of maturity. You become more compassionate, more protective, and oddly enough, more aware of every child around you. I noticed this when I started volunteer coaching. I’m always there for my kids, of course, but I found myself wanting to help all the other kids, too. And you know what? It’s one of the best changes you’ll ever experience, especially since those other kids are likely to be your children’s friends. Now I get to build my own relationships with their friends, which adds a whole new layer of connection, both with the friend, and with my child.
Kids are also incredibly active. With all that energy, you may find yourself struggling to keep up. So you might find that your self care routine turns into a cardio routine to keep up with them, or a weightlifting routine to hold them and throw them into the air. Either way, this could be a big change for you, and it might be for the better in many different ways.
#10—They Grow Up Faster Than You Think
They weren’t kidding when they said, “Don’t blink.” The days are long, but the years? They fly by. One moment you’re cradling your newborn, the next they’re running down the hall or heading off to their first day of school.
They say this phenomenon happens because, for kids, a day, a week, or a year represents a huge portion of their lives. Time feels so long to them. But as we get older, that same stretch of time feels like it’s shrinking. For a 2-year-old, one year is half their life. For a 36-year-old, a year is just a blip on the radar. Regardless of the science behind it, one thing’s for sure, kids learn and grow fast.
So cherish every cuddle, every bedtime story, and every messy meal (even if I’m just begging everyone to eat what’s on their plate!). Sure, it’s exhausting, but these are the moments you’ll miss when they’re older. Take the photos, but don’t forget to live in the moment, too. Time with your kids is the most precious gift you have.
Embrace the Journey
Parenting isn’t always picture-perfect, but it’s full of moments that make it all worthwhile. The books give you the basics, but the real learning happens in the trenches. So take a deep breath, embrace the chaos, and know that you’re doing an incredible job—one day at a time.
