10 Essential Qualities of a Good Father

Becoming a father has been an extraordinary journey. It is filled with moments of immense joy, profound challenges, and endless love. While it still feels like my journey is just beginning with 3 boys under 10, I’ve come to realize that the success of my family and the development of my children hinge significantly on the presence and influence of good fathers and mothers, like myself and Kelly. However, in today’s society, the importance of fatherhood is sometimes undervalued or overshadowed, which I think is starting to shift, a little. Yet, fathers actually play an indispensable role in nurturing thriving families and raising well-rounded children. 

Dads in the Media and the Household

Fatherhood has evolved significantly over the years, with shifting definitions and expectations. Unfortunately, not all of these changes have been positive for the ‘man of the house’. Media portrayals often perpetuate harmful stereotypes, depicting fathers as insignificant, incompetent, and emotionally distant figures. Growing up, and even today, many TV shows and comedians have portrayed fathers poorly. Without naming names: A comedian joked at the fact that his child’s school called him before calling the mom and how Dad’s don’t know anything to be helpful in a situation like that. Or a TV show that shows the dad come home from work, sit in his favorite chair, bark orders and drink a beer without getting up. These portrayals not only undermine the critical role of fathers but also contribute to societal misconceptions about fatherhood. 

Today, more and more dads are taking the reins of the household along the mothering counterparts. I didn’t know a single friend growing up with a stay-at-home dad. Today, my sons have at least a handful of stay-at-home dads and working moms.  

Let’s be clear here! There is absolutely no undermining here of a mother’s role in their children’s lives. She is still as incredibly important as ever before. I just think that dads of the current and future parenting generations are taking a more active approach to parenting than ever before too. 

The Science of Dads in the House

Finally, before we really jump in, there is some science to a fathers active presence in a child’s life too. A study done out of Concordia University in the Canadian Journal of Behavioural Science showed proof that fathers actively raising children can lead to smarter and better behaved children. They say “Regardless of whether fathers lived with their children, their ability to set appropriate limits and structure their children’s behaviour positively influenced problem-solving and decreased emotional problems, such as sadness, social withdrawal and anxiety” 

As a dad with 3 boys myself, I understand firsthand how overwhelming it can be to navigate parenthood, especially when bombarded with conflicting information and societal pressures. So, I’ve compiled a list of essential qualities that I believe mark the attributes of a good father (and in most cases, a good mother too). My hope is that this list will serve as a light for fellow dads on their journey of fatherhood. 

Qualities of a Good Father

Being a father is a multifaceted role, encompassing various responsibilities and duties. While each father’s journey is unique, there are certain fundamental qualities that every dad should strive to embody: 

1) Championing Love and Protection

A good father prioritizes the well-being and happiness of his children’s mother (other parent). Whether married, divorced, or a single parent, nurturing a healthy relationship with the mother of your children is paramount. I’ve been fortunate to find my beautiful wife early in life and we have had a successful marriage for nearly 11 years at this point. Yet, life and marriage is not always that easy for everyone. By prioritizing the sanctity of the marital bond best as possible, fathers create a stable and nurturing environment for their children to thrive. 

In our busy life, we strive to go for walks, hikes, and dinner dates. Most recently we went to a sushi place where you pick your food off a conveyor belt and robots deliver your drinks!

2) Exercising Discipline with Love

Discipline is an essential aspect of parenting, but it must be administered with love and compassion. Good fathers understand the importance of setting boundaries and instilling values in their children, all while maintaining a supportive and nurturing environment. Discipline doesn’t always need to be negative. Negative discipline, enacted only when you did something really wrong, is likely how we were taught from our fathers before us, and them theirs, through the generations. However, discipline is just a means of guiding children towards responsible behavior and moral development. Discipline can be as simple as giving children chores to do in the household and holding them to completing them, or standards on how to talk and treat others. It doesn’t need to mean hitting, soap in the mouth, or a belt whip as punishment. Remember, you can discipline without yelling. Talk kindly and empathetically with them.

3) Leading by Example

As role models for your children, you must lead by example in both words and actions. Whether it’s demonstrating honesty, humility, or perseverance, fathers shape their children’s character through their everyday behaviors and interactions. By embodying the values they wish to impart, fathers set a powerful example for their children to follow. So, hold the door for someone, offer help to someone in need, donate your time to a special cause, and exercise. Your example could, and likely will, be the one they follow into adulthood! 

4) Embracing Servant Leadership

True leadership is rooted in service and humility. Good fathers should understand the importance of selflessness and sacrifice, putting the needs of their family above their own desires. Fathers foster a culture of love, respect, and mutual support within their family unit. This is something that is both a short- and long-term gain.

For example, I did not appreciate the times my parent volunteered their time to coach or come on a field trip until I was older. Yet, by stepping up and donating your time and things to people in need now, it shows them today, how you can be a servant, and community leader. By taking the time to do things with and for your child, you set up a long burn toward teaching them to be in service to others. I have a major problem with this as I volunteer coach all my kids’ sports, and am the cubmaster for my boy’s cub scout pack. So be careful you don’t stretch yourself too thin if at all possible.  

5) Providing Unconditional Support

Supporting your children through both triumphs and challenges is an integral part of fatherhood. Whether it’s cheering them on from the sidelines or offering a shoulder to lean on during difficult times, fathers play a crucial role in bolstering their children’s confidence and self-esteem. This means bring them aside when things are hard and offer a hug instead of yelling at them for failing.

This happened with my son during a track meet. He got 2^nd and began acting out. I knelt down and gave him a hug and asked what was wrong and he just let go and started crying. “I wanted to get first” he said. It broke my heart, but after I explained how proud I was, he was able to collect himself for his next race. Ensuring you are there for them for the good times and the bad times provides them a safety net so they will keep coming back to you. 

6) Exercising Patience

Patience is indeed a virtue, especially in the realm of parenting. It has to be one of the hardest things in life. Fathers must remain calm and composed, even in the face of adversity or frustration. By demonstrating patience and understanding, fathers create an environment where their children feel safe, valued, and understood. 

This is hard, because as any parent can attest, patience is probably the one thing they run out of fastest. “Dad. Dad. Dad. Daddy. Daddy. Dad” can get real old real fast. It takes a man size about of restraint not to yell in their little face sometimes, but taking a deep breath, dealing with the ‘issue’, and removing yourself from the source of the frustration can be a big help to ensure the next ‘issue’ doesn’t end with a screaming father.  

In turn, your kids are met with patience and will hopefully develop a deep well of their own patience so they aren’t acting out so fast either. 

7) Being Dependable and Trustworthy

Dependability is a hallmark of good fatherhood. Children should be able to rely on their fathers to keep their promises, fulfill their commitments, and provide unwavering support. Being a consistent and dependable presence builds trust and foster strong bonds that withstand the test of time. If you promise them ice cream, deliver. If you promise them a trip to McDonalds for a happy meal, take them. To be successful here, means you are planning ahead and setting yourself, and them, reasonable expectations. 

8) Exuding Compassion and Empathy:  

Compassion is the cornerstone of meaningful relationships, and fathers must cultivate a deep sense of empathy towards their children. Whether comforting them through tears or celebrating their successes with joy, fathers demonstrate compassion through their words, actions, and unwavering support. 

9) Embracing Playfulness and Joy

While parenthood comes with its fair share of responsibilities, it’s essential not to overlook the importance of play and laughter. You should embrace moments of joy and spontaneity. Don’t be afraid to engage in playful activities. I’ve stopped what I was doing to throw the ball for 10 minutes, build a blanket fort, design a marble run, or just rough house a bit. Play like this can help to foster a connection and strengthen bonds between dad and child. Plus, it is a memory builder for the both of you! 

10) Being Present and Involved:  

Presence is perhaps one of the most precious gifts a father can give to his children. Whether it’s attending school events, sharing meals together, or simply listening attentively, fathers must prioritize being actively engaged in their children’s lives. The smile and wzve you get when they see you in the crowd is worth every cent lost. By being present both physically and emotionally can create lasting memories and forge deep connections with their children. 

In Conclusion 

Fatherhood is a sacred journey filled with immense love, joy, and fulfillment. While the path of fatherhood may be fraught with challenges and uncertainties, it’s also brimming with opportunities for growth, learning, and profound connection. By embracing the essential qualities of fatherhood outlined above, fathers can cultivate strong, resilient families and leave a lasting legacy of love and compassion for generations to come. 

Thank you for taking the time to explore the attributes of a good father. I hope this article serves as a source of inspiration and guidance on your journey of fatherhood. Together, let us strive to be the best fathers we can be, nurturing our children with love, wisdom, and unwavering support.